Keep Growing, Interesting Ones. Rock the Wild, Wonderful Journey.

Keep Going, Keep Growing - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

Are you hip to this bit of wisdom from Bob Dylan?

He [and she] who is not busy being born is busy dying.

We’re living at a time when “aging gracefully” is more doable than ever. The days when young folks had all the fun are over. Days when they had all the freedom. Now it’s totally possible for us to have multiple phases of life that are in fact age-neutral.

Changing the game

These days, people in their 50s, 60s, 70s, even 80s and 90s live very different lives from one another. Some act out beliefs that a certain age means it’s time to be tired. Unhealthy. Overweight. And in many ways done with self-care.

Others still jam away at their dreams and goals. They exercise and eat smart. And some practice self-care strategies like mindfulness and meditation that can truly change the aging game.

A growth mindset is win-win

A continuous-growth approach allows the wisdom of our elder years maximum space and time to develop. Then we can share that wisdom in all kinds of satisfying ways.

And that matters, because we have our own difference to continue to make in the world. Traditional societies have always known this, but modern culture forgot. These days it’s time to change the game back again.

So I say the early 21st century is an amazing time to be “maturing.” What’s possible is up to us.

As birthdays accumulate

And of course no amount of self-care negates everything forever, no matter how much yoga we do. :) In truth, we all need ever greater inner fortitude as our birthdays accumulate.

In light of that truth, bravo to all who are jamming on beyond all kinds of old  boundaries. As you walk your own wild, wonderful 21st century path, remember to keep radical self care in the mix, and share your “mature beauty” with the world. Make the difference that’s uniquely yours to make, enjoyably.

 

Life Coaching with Teresa Young
Photo: John Livzey

Teresa Young wants you living your dream, for real. She coaches by phone, and via Skype outside the U.S.

 

 

 

 

On Love, Committed Relationship, and Endings in 21st Century Life

On Love ~ Life Coaching with Teresa Young

I Knew a Good Man, Darling

I knew
a good man
who couldn’t
relish spring
and the sweetness
blooming
in his garden.

Relax, my
love, enjoy,
I teased,
laughed, whispered,
pleaded.
Shouted.

Then
I realized
a piece
was
missing,
a promise:

I am yours
and will
never leave you,
darling.
Or, sweeter:

I’ll only go
if you
want me
to,
and
if you
want to go,
I’ll say,
go,
darling.

— Teresa Young

Love is a helluva drug

I wouldn’t usually, as in ever, add any kind of narrative to a poem. But today I feel like it. I’m breaking my own rule. Like eating potato chips late at night. :)

Because the dance of love is like nothing else. Love really is a helluva drug. (And who the hell first said that? I’ve been trying to find out.) There’s nothing more mysterious than love.  Nothing more maddening. Nothing that’s ultimately more of a secret.

Yes, I’ve been feeling for years that every love relationship is a secret. No one outside of any two-person tango can really know the particular nuances of how the dancers move together. Of the inner climate of the relationship, including its (inevitable) dark patches and desert places. Whether or not it’s ultimately a place of mutual growth, of rest, of self-expression. Of comfort and delight. All that we crave and deserve.

Love and commitment

And really, does a committed love relationship have to be all that? Or is commitment itself, that willingness, more important than partners being all things to each other?

Indeed, is being everything to one soul even healthy?

You could even say romantic love and commitment are separate topics. Though in modern western culture, where half of committed relationships end, I say successful, long-term, committed love is a rich, ever fascinating focus and goal. And note that I skipped the word marriage. Why leave any long-term love relationships out?

That which ends also matters

Yes, let’s go there, to the fact that at least half of long-term, committed relationships end. So those endings matter. It’s important that they’re done well, with respect for all parties. With kindness and gentleness, honoring both what was and what is. It’s possible. The truth really does set us free.

And of course, even aided by gentleness, endings also burn like hell. The pain burns cleanest if we’re as kind to one another as possible in the process. It helps us heal. And we do.

Because life is long, and we want—we are determined—to love and be loved well. Our expectations are astronomical. And just like every other form of freedom in 21st century life, we’re as free to pursue what we want most as we believe ourselves to be.

The how of it all matters

I’m profoundly interested in how we care for one another and ourselves along the way. What’s more, I believe it’s one of our most sacred opportunities.

Are you in the throes of something immense in the realm of love? Then take your time, staying attuned to what’s truly healthy for you and others. And proceed gently, oh, so gently, with everyone, including yourself. Take the long view, with the goal of being satisfied with your approach when you look back on the present four or five years from now.

And very importantly, do call on the resources you need and deserve. Include some relationship coaching or therapy, even or especially for endings, along with your own individual coaching or therapy and expert support for any young ones in the mix. Search for low-cost options if you need them. You and yours deserve help at critical junctures.

After all, the truth is that love, commitment, and endings all matter profoundly, impacting the quality of our lives and the lives of those we love. Let your best self lead in everything. Then take comfort in your own good work in the realm of love, here on the wild, wonderful journey of modern life.

 

Life Coach Teresa Young

In Moments of Darkness, Stay. On. Your. Path. Just Keep Walking, in Compassion. You’ll Generate Light.

Life Coaching with Teresa Young

I wrote the first version of this piece after the November 2015 Paris attacks, then updated it in November 2018 after the tragedy just down the road in Thousand Oaks. Today, yet again, as all too often of late, we’re trying to process our feelings of shock, grief, and horror after the Christchurch, New Zealand mosque shootings.

Horror can sap our strength

When we’re confronted with dark events, dark forces, even horrific experiences and images, it’s natural to be blindsided. We don’t ever quite grow numb to it. And it’s easy to fixate. To lose focus. To lose energy and heart.

We can lose the vision of our way forward. We can lose the energy for anything. Our peace of mind, even our beliefs, shattered. Again.

Challenge and the way forward

In times of terrible trial, consider that your shattered focus is help that you don’t have to wait for. This challenge to your battered heart is the way forward. As one world leader said during a dark time in the 20th Century:

If you’re going through hell, keep going.
—Sir Winston Churchill

This guidance is right on in the fires of fear, pain, and the loss of simple human happiness. Loss of confidence in the next day or week or season for ourselves and our fellow humans.

In fact, to counteract darkness, double down on what matters most to you. Despite everything. Stay focused. Or re-focus. Or begin to focus, on your highest priorities. Live your values. What you find most meaningful and beautiful.

Walk. Your. Path.

It’s a discipline. Maybe the ultimate discipline. Maybe challenging enough that you can’t fixate on what would further sap your body, mind, and spirit.

Another great wisdom-keeper said it this way:

Do not let the behavior of another destroy your inner peace.
—the Dalai Lama

Be as informed and present as you feel is sustainable for you. Be active in creating change in ways that speak to you. Send your empathy and care telepathically to victims and their families. To anyone struggling for life.

Donate money and other resources. Express yourself in whatever ways feel right. And try to generate peace rather than yet more conflict. Practice compassion, including self-compassion, and real self-care.

In other words, put on your own oxygen mask now, right now, as one way of counteracting understandable emotional paralysis in the face of horror. And keep moving forward on your goals in the ways that matter to you today, one foot in front of the other. And pace yourself in the process. There’s time for all things.

In fact, take time to meditate, rest, and consciously take part in whatever helps to calm your spirit. Then you’re helping to generate the light that humanity needs at such dark moments. Plus you’re modeling that good work.

Proceed.

Do your work. Walk your path. And reach out for the support you need. In short, proceed, dear ones. Proceed.

 

Life Coaching with Teresa Young
Photo: John Livzey

Teresa Young wants you living your dream, for real. She coaches by phone, in person in Los Angeles, and via Skype outside the U.S.

 

 

 

 

Reflecting on Grief, That Age-Old Walk Through Dark Woods in Strange Country

Reflecting on Grief - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

I’m reflecting on a setback I’m having right… now. And after a good day yesterday! A phone session with an inspiring new client, a great meeting with my own coach, lessons with two super-fun students, a hug from their sweet mom. Poker Night with two of my sons and their ladies. Then, boom. Grief storm. I cried off and on all night.

And yet I also know everything is OK. It’s just a natural expression of the yin and yang of all things, including grieving.

Everything really is OK

So now I’m writing my way through this particular neck of dark woods while listening to Pandora’s “Rain Radio.” I played it for my mom all night right before she died. Now it’s one way of keeping her near me.

And I’m feeling the inner roller coaster ride of these two months since her death. I’m seeking guidance, too, as always. But in new ways. And I’m connecting with her, or at least trying to. Hoping I’m succeeding. Not sure yet.

But just after I got back to L.A., I had a beautiful dream of her striding out of the rubble of a fallen building like an action-adventure star, young and strong, with flaming red hair, in a bronze raincoat. And a dream of getting out of bed early one morning to sit in lotus pose to meditate.

I’m in the mood to consider that one almost an out-of-body experience. It felt so real. Talk about guidance. I’m workin’ on it.

Strange new country

The bottom line is that I’m hovering at the cusp of a dark place. Falling in at moments. Or for hours. Climbing out.

And again, it’s OK. My mother’s life and the beauty and complexity of our relationship are worth this heartbreak. It makes perfect sense to both my logical mind and my deep feeling function.

In fact, I’ve given myself permission to check in and out of “ordinary reality” as needed. Because the truth is that I’m in explorer mode as always, too, intent on learning whatever I can of the human experience while on this new leg of my own life journey.

Learning and changing

So far, I’ve learned that I go from intense need for solitude, for unstructured time, free of productivity concerns, to intense need for human contact. But of a kind that can be with me right here, where I was last night and am in this moment, grappling with death’s hand in the human condition, up close and personal. With the fact that my mother’s death is changing me—my priorities, my obsessions—in profound ways that I can’t predict yet, much less express.

I’ve never been here before. And I can’t see through to the other side of this stretch of unknown territory.

Nothing to fear here

I’m not afraid, though. I trust this process. I guess it’s the explorer in me. And I realize how stable my life had become these past few years. Stable in ways I didn’t know I could lose through feeling so searingly painfully the loss of another.

I didn’t know that what may have in fact become a phase of stasis gives way, in the face of the tipping of some great hourglass, to… what? So far, I don’t know. At least I don’t have words for it.

And yet, again, I know everything is OK. I know all this feeling is healthy and right. Not to be dreaded. Swallowed. Papered over. Made pretty. That in fact doing so would be the makings of future trouble.

It’s time to take time

Grief will have its space, time, and impact, whether honored and given its due, or driven down into the unconscious if we try to avoid the mess. Or if well-meaning others succeed in advising or expecting us to close that door and “move on.”

After all, you can’t cram for and knock grief out, like prepping for a meeting or taking the written test at the DMV. I have a new phrase for the present, at least new for me: soul time, in which “linear” time is no longer the end-all, be-all.

In fact, I’m thinking a lot about the soul these days. This is one of those times when it just demands what it wants and needs, what it knows is the work at hand. Work that may inform our futures. Our creative and contributory destinies.

It is what it is for now

And again, I trust all that. I honor it. It’s one way of honoring my beautiful mother. Of honoring these precious lives we’re all gifted with, both our own and those dearest to us.

Because, in truth, I’m still on my path. I’m still creatively engaged, feeling my way. So far, that’s what I need. That’s all I know. And it’s enough for me.

 

Life Coaching with Teresa Young
Photo: John Livzey

Teresa Young wants you living your dream, for real. She coaches by phone, in person in Los Angeles, and via Skype outside the U.S.

 

 

 

Dare to Swap Those Hand-Me-Down Beliefs for New Possibilities

Dare to Create What You Want - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

What do you believe, anyway? About life? About love? And work? And how about money? Dare to examine your beliefs as one part of your approach to accomplishing your goals.

Because consciousness of your beliefs—of what drives you, and stops you—is in fact an act of creative power! You can dare to examine your beliefs. Question them. And make choices that change your life.

One big test of any belief is whether it’s fear-based, or focused on growth. Like believing that “love always fades to quiet boredom.” Maybe it’s been your experience so far, or you’ve seen it play out in the lives of others. Or you’ve heard that in long-held family knitting-circles or good ol’ boy logic.

But does any of that challenge you to keep risking for the juice you want in relationship? Or do you justify your own lack of heart due to, well, fear of heartache?

Most important, are you really free to choose? Consider that any reason why not is a belief, rather than some big truth. In truth, we’re living in an amazing era. You and I are really free to choose our beliefs if we’re ready to do this important inner work. Work that will move us forward in new ways. In the ways that matter most to us.

Now dare to go bravely cast off the hand-me-downs that don’t really suit you. Your beautiful life awaits!

 

Life Coaching with Teresa Young
Photo: John Livzey

Teresa Young wants you living your dream, for real. She coaches by phone, and via Skype outside the U.S.

 

Stop Squandering Your Energy Now. Today. Really.

Stop Squandering Your Energy - Life Coaching with Teresa Young

Stop squandering your energy. For real. And you know just what I mean, right? OK, the truth is, I started with the negative to get your attention.

Now let’s talk about conserving, containing, and consciously creating what you want most using your precious energy. And I don’t mean with long-lasting light bulbs or by powering down your electronics at night.

I mean by making the best use of your most precious commodity: your life force. You with me? Great.

Track your flow

I say one powerful way to begin is to actually log your energy usage for a day, in four sections:

  1. Important (in service to your goals)
  2. Fun
  3. Unimportant
  4. Counter-Productive

First, in this moment, what do you think you will see? Next, try it out. Check your predictions after 24 hours. Even this simple action will begin to change the game. Read more here at http://oneideaaway.com.

 

Life Coaching with Teresa Young
Photo: John Livzey

Teresa Young wants you living your dream, for real. She coaches by phone, in person in Los Angeles, and via Skype outside the U.S.