On Love, Committed Relationship, and Endings in 21st Century Life

Life Coaching with Teresa Young

I Knew a Good Man, Darling

I knew
a good man
who couldn’t
relish spring
and the sweetness
in his garden.

Relax, my
love, enjoy,
I teased,
laughed, whispered,

I realized
a piece
a promise:

I am yours
and will
never leave you,
Or sweeter:

I’ll only go
if you
want me
if you
want to go,
I’ll say,

           — Teresa Young

Love is a helluva drug

I wouldn’t usually, as in ever, add any kind of narrative to a poem. But today I feel like it. I’m breaking my own rule. Like eating potato chips late at night. :)

Because the dance of love is like nothing else. Love really is a helluva drug. (And who the hell first said that? I’ve been trying to find out.) There’s nothing more mysterious than love.  Nothing more maddening. Nothing more of a secret.

I’ve been feeling for years that every love relationship is a secret. No one outside it can really know its peaks and valleys, its nuances. Its dark patches and desert places. Whether or not it’s ultimately a place of mutual growth, of rest, of self-expression. Of comfort and delight. All that we crave and deserve.

Love and commitment

And does a committed love relationship have to be all that? Or is commitment itself, that willingness, more important than partners being all things to each other? And is being everything to one soul even healthy?

In fact, you could say romantic love and commitment are separate topics. But in modern western culture, where half of committed relationships end, committed love fascinates me. And note that I skipped the word marriage. It leaves some folks out.

Meanwhile, in my own second marriage, I intend to go the distance. And to facilitate that for others. This part of my coaching work is a privilege.

That which ends also matters

There are other crucial aspects of relationship to facilitate, too. Like endings. It’s important that they’re done well, with respect for all parties. With kindness and gentleness, honoring both what was and what is. It’s possible. The truth really does set us free.

And of course, even aided by gentleness, endings also burn like hell. The pain burns cleanest if we’re as kind to one another as possible in the process. It helps us heal. And we do.

Anyway, life is long, and we want—we are determined—to love and be loved well. Our expectations are astronomical. And just like every other form of freedom in 21st century life, we’re free to pursue what we want most.

The how of it all matters

I’m profoundly interested in how we care for one another and ourselves along the way. Indeed, I say that’s one of our most sacred opportunities here on the wild, wonderful journey of modern life.

Are you in the throes of something immense in the realm of love in which confidential support could help? Let me know.



Life Coaching with Teresa Young
Photo: John Livzey

Teresa Young wants you living your dream, for real. She coaches by phone, in person in Los Angeles, and via Skype outside the U.S.